Saturday, May 15, 2010

So Blessed

I'm blessed. Though I often don't feel it and I often feel that life is just "too hard", I am blessed.

Each day that I wake up, is a gift. A gift to have another day of love and happiness with my son and husband. Another day to just be.

Isn't it nice to just know that regardless, you are here and living? That each moment is for you and you are able to do with it what you will... Sure, we might not feel like that but, it's true. We live these moments. Ultimately reaching and searching for a "goal" in the end. Naturally, there are evils and "negative" things that come along. These take such hold and we often lose sight for what is good.

I have so much stress in my life usually. That I feel it. You know, the sinking ship feeling? Pending doom? That it's ALL coming to an end... Yep, that type of feeling. I often wonder how am I able to enjoy life with my family feeling like this? Does Talon sense that something is wrong? Or does he not notice a change since it's be very stressful for me for most his life? That sentence really bothers me actually. It's not him at all, he hasn't caused me stress. It just so happens that January 2009 started the rolling battle of stress for me. Before then, shortly after his birth, there was so added stress to my marriage but it wasn't Talon. None of it was him. It wasn't too much to handle even though at times it did feel like that. But it just became so much in January. Life was not going to be easy for us at all. Each passing month became worse and well, then it just became my life.

For fear that some might read this that I am not wanting to know, I'll just say that God has taken some stress from me. He's blessed us once again. My son is such a blessing. Each day I have him, is amazing. I can't express in any other way just how he completes my life. Though things haven't gone "perfect" or as I planned, he is loved more than ever and very much wanted. That is the truth from the bottom of my heart.

When he hugs me and tells me "hiiiiiiii" for "love you"... yeah, my heart melts.

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