Goodbye 2010!

So it's the last night of 2010. I figured I should definitely write.

This year has been so crazy for us. We've had a lot of stresses, struggles and worries. We've had bad. Yet, we've also had our share or blessings and good too. Talk about a mixed year! I'm sort of sad to see 2010 go but at the same time I am excited for 2011. I have hope and faith for a good year for us.

In 2010, Talon turned 2! He's so smart, so cute and definitely loving. He does push buttons, as any two year old does, but for the most part he's a really good kid. He talks more now but he is still developing this skill. He's definitely more of an active child than articulate. No matter, he is so smart. You can see the gears turning inside his head as he figures something out. It amazes me at how quick he can pick up on something. Then there is the dare-devil side he has. Lord, give a momma a heart attack sometimes! All in all, I am so proud and impressed with him. He's had a rough year and a half as we've struggled to get on our feet again. Through it all he has remained a great child and I love him so much. There's not a day that goes by where I don't feel he is my whole world. He's still my miracle and blessing and I am still forever thankful.

Kenny and I celebrated 9 years of marriage and 11 years of being together. How time has flown! I can't believe that we are still together (in ways) because we have had some serious struggles and trials in our marriage. Yet, we've pulled through together and I guess that's a sign of true love. The past year and a half has given us a true value to life as a family. As long as we're together, we're ok. Because that's how it seems to fall into place for us. I love him very much and I am trying to really be positive through life. He's my husband and I love him. What more is there? Here's hoping for another 9 years of marriage!

We also got into our own place again. This is a big blessing for us. One I wasn't sure was going to happen in 2010 or even shortly into 2011. It's been a stressful situation for me though. I constantly worry we'll fall behind and have issues. I don't ever want that struggle again. I hope and pray that 2011 will be a great, positive year for us. That we can keep paying rent and not have these worries.

I also got my GED in 2010! What a huge accomplishment! I was (and am) so proud of myself. The first step into changing my life! Now, I am registered to start school January 18th. It will be a long road ahead but I am determined to get there. I'm determined to be a nurse. Enjoy my career and take care of my family. Once I am working and bringing in this income, our life will be so much better. It's a goal I can't wait to reach. Yet, it takes time. I hope for the best and pray for strength because I do expect trials along the way. With God behind me, I can (and will) do this!

Here's praying 2011 is a wonderful year!

Insane!

It's Christmas! And so very much has happened since my last blog. I can't even believe it's been this long! But, this is what's going on now.

We finally have our own place! As of November 5th. We love it and we feel so at home already. Things are really coming together for us. It's a 2 bedroom apartment, perfect fit. We just need to get Talon sleeping in his room and his bed! LOL

We are losing our car, sadly. I hate it but moving on... Seriously, what can I do? Nothing. So we will deal. We purchased a car for $200 and it needs work but it does run. It gets us where we need to be so that is a huge blessing! Praise God for that.

We are living on an extremely tight budget, but you know what? We're living! It's such a blessing to be where we are right now. It was a long, rough year and a half so yes... this means so very much.

A Little More

So, life... it's interesting.

We made the move from Florida to Wyoming, about a month ago. It's hard to believe we have been here that long. I guess things are coming together for us though. We have been able to get assistance with WIC and food stamps. It's much needed and we're so grateful. It was so much easier to do it here than in Florida. We never got a chance to even get them there. Kenny is working but right now his hours are not that great. This week he has 20. Not enough, but we're thankful he has a job and is bringing something home. Lots of prayers for more hours and more sales. Scary to say but people will start holiday shopping in the next two months or so and that will help a lot. I have an interview Wednesday and I'm so hopeful. I need the job. The money I can bring home will cover most of the bills we currently have, which would be great. A huge stress relief. So, lots of praying there too.

I'm calling tomorrow, or rather today, about my GED classes. Hopefully they are starting now because I heard they might not start until late August. I don't want to wait. I just want to go and get things rolling you know? Make the process speed up. Plus, I am calling about early head start for Talon. It will be hard for me but great for him. He needs to get out and have more time with kids his age. I try to take him to the park or play area but it's not always easy right now. This would be a chance for him to spend time with kids and also maybe learn some stuff. My big boy is growing up so fast!

Speaking of, he turns 2 is about five weeks. Can you believe it? Because I can't. *sigh* Where did my little baby go? It's crazy how fast the time has gone. I miss him small. Don't get me wrong though, I love him at this age too but, ugh I miss him as a baby. He's doing great though and for that I am grateful and proud. He amazes me daily honestly.

Overall, life is alright. Financially, we're stressed but isn't that how it always seems to be for me? Hopefully that will be changing soon.

Very Quick!

Catching this at a bad time actually. It's nap time for Talon and boy is he letting me know it! I was trying to keep him awake another ten minutes since he did sleep a little later this morning, but apparently that's not going to happen.

There is so much I want to update about so I will have to come back and post again when I have more time. I figured I'd do a quick update until then.

We are settling nicely into Wyoming. Unfortunately, we are still struggling financially but that will change soon. I'll be applying for three jobs this coming week and hopefully have interviews, then get an offer. I'm excited to work (kinda) but sad too. I've loved all this time with Talon. I stopped working the pizza shop the beginning of June so it's been about two months since I've worked. Two months since I've had to leave Talon behind for work. That is truly the hardest thing.

Hubby's working and may be finding a different job that offers more income. Right now it's what we need. Thankfully we've received assistance and that's a big relief! Much easier to do things here in Wyoming than Florida. It was like FL was the devil or something when it came to help.

Ok! Apparently, he needs a nap NOW. LOL More to come soon...

Black Bags & Boxes

Oh my...

Funny how sometimes life can take a turn and just send you through a tailspin. That's exactly what I've experienced in just a week. Can we say crazy?

On Thursday, I was basically "fired" from my job at my sister's pizza shop. Reason: she got upset at a comment I posted on my Facebook. I found that insane honestly, but hey what can you do right? I guess when someone wants to be evil and just selfish they do whatever.

The plan was to move back to Wyoming. Basically, we felt it was the only choice we had and the only positive option for us. Scary? Yes, absolutely, but it also had benefits we could already see. Moving July 9th would give us time to get everything organized and ready, and most importantly set into action for hubby's transfer to the store in Wyoming.

We went to visit my SIL and MIL in Fort Myers for a much needed break. Since I didn't need to be home at 9 AM on Tuesday, we stayed longer. On Tuesday night I found out that my sister was planning to be difficult. She wanted us to pay rent (a lot btw, for what we were having) and she wanted it to start as soon as we returned home on Wednesday. But we really didn't have an option so we'd have to swallow it until we could move out. Most likely being two weeks. Yet when I woke up Wednesday morning I checked my phone and found texts from her. She was being rude and hurtful. Saying mean things and just acting childish. She demanded to have us out THAT DAY. Real nice huh? We had nothing packed or ready to go. We really didn't know where we were going to go.

We did it though. We got packed and cleaned the room. Everything is in big black garbage bags or boxes... crazy to see our stuff packed like this. It was a good feeling leaving though. It was nice to know that we were no longer captive so to speak. I was no longer going to be taken advantage of. It was nice.

We're staying at an extended stay motel about 35 miles from hubby's work. We'll be here for two weeks and hopefully all will go well with his transfer and we can head to Wyoming June 24th. That's the plan anyway.

I am super stressed and need all the prayers I can get. I know God is keeping His hand upon us and things are falling into place for what needs to happen. It's just scary and nerve racking sometimes.

Living Life Daily

Been a little bit since my last post. Nothing much has changed, not a whole lot has been going on. Just taking life one day at a time, which is all anyone can do really.

Today, I finally got a new haircut. I've been needing to get at least a trim up since my hair was in bad shape. I do have a few gray hairs as well, but nothing to worry too much about. I guess at the age of 30, I just have been through a lot and it's aging me? LOL Anyway, I absolutely love the cut and I think it's fun and flirty. Not that I need to flirt since I am married, but even flirting with Hubby can be nice right?

Talon got a new haircut too, on Monday. I just haven't been able to get a good picture of it. This time we went shorter than before and it's able to be spiked up all through out the top of his head. I think it's a cute style but it does make him look older. Not that I want him to look older at all! That's ok though because his hair grows so super fast too!

We're taking a trip to Fort Myers again. Going to visit SIL and MIL. I enjoy the visits there, I just hate the early morning drive back home. UGH. But it's worth it. This time we are planning to visit the beach. I definitely want to take Talon. This is important to me. His first visit to the beach/ocean. Something I think he will enjoy but be leary of. I'd also like to go to the park there with him. That way everyone can enjoy him like I do. When we visit the park we have so much fun and it's truly a bonding experience for us together. I just love it.

Things otherwise are going ok. Nothing grand. Hopefully things continue to smoothly go along.

So Blessed

I'm blessed. Though I often don't feel it and I often feel that life is just "too hard", I am blessed.

Each day that I wake up, is a gift. A gift to have another day of love and happiness with my son and husband. Another day to just be.

Isn't it nice to just know that regardless, you are here and living? That each moment is for you and you are able to do with it what you will... Sure, we might not feel like that but, it's true. We live these moments. Ultimately reaching and searching for a "goal" in the end. Naturally, there are evils and "negative" things that come along. These take such hold and we often lose sight for what is good.

I have so much stress in my life usually. That I feel it. You know, the sinking ship feeling? Pending doom? That it's ALL coming to an end... Yep, that type of feeling. I often wonder how am I able to enjoy life with my family feeling like this? Does Talon sense that something is wrong? Or does he not notice a change since it's be very stressful for me for most his life? That sentence really bothers me actually. It's not him at all, he hasn't caused me stress. It just so happens that January 2009 started the rolling battle of stress for me. Before then, shortly after his birth, there was so added stress to my marriage but it wasn't Talon. None of it was him. It wasn't too much to handle even though at times it did feel like that. But it just became so much in January. Life was not going to be easy for us at all. Each passing month became worse and well, then it just became my life.

For fear that some might read this that I am not wanting to know, I'll just say that God has taken some stress from me. He's blessed us once again. My son is such a blessing. Each day I have him, is amazing. I can't express in any other way just how he completes my life. Though things haven't gone "perfect" or as I planned, he is loved more than ever and very much wanted. That is the truth from the bottom of my heart.

When he hugs me and tells me "hiiiiiiii" for "love you"... yeah, my heart melts.

Big Positives!

I've taken the first step in making life better. Today I applied for my FAFSA! I hope to God that I'm approved and that I can get into school. Finally, become a nurse. This is what I want, and now I've started the process.

Lots more to do though. Lots.

On another good note, Talon is 100% binky free! It has been 8 days since he's sucked a binky. 8 Days!! Way to go to my little man. I am truly proud of him. And me. And Kenny. Because though Talon was very easy to break of the binky, it was hard to not give it to him sometimes. We did it though and now our son is done with it. Yippee!

I love my son and husband so much, I truly do. Life will be better for us, I promise.

No More Baby!

My baby isn't so much a baby anymore. When Talon was a newborn and he had lost his umbilical cord, it was a happy moment but it was very sad too. Because he lost the last "oh so new baby" marking. And through the months, 19 to be exact, he has had many changes to lose the whole baby stage. I just always grasp onto the next before it goes too. Now, Talon is no longer a binky sucker. He loves them and I think if I had allowed he'd have one for a long time to come still. Yet, I wanted him broke around 18 months. We are past that and though he's done great with having it cut down, he still had one.

Sunday we started cold turkey. It went well but not 100%. I did give in and give him a binky in the wee early morning hours. Out of selfishness. I was exhausted and not feeling well. It was easy. Of course I took the easy route you know? I felt horrible about it though. I need to be strong for my baby boy. Yesterday I planned to 100% cold turkey it. NO giving in. That's just what we did too! I'm so proud of Talon. He's really taking to it.

I guess since it's been over 24 hours since my son has had a binky in his mouth, it's safe to say he is binky-free? No more binks for my little nugget. *sigh* I am extremely happy. I'm proud of him don't get me wrong. I wanted him to be free of it and he is. Yet, it's the last stage of the little baby. Aside from diapers, which I think potty training is still many (six?) months off. But the binky just "baby-fied" him. Now, that's gone. No more. Nada.

I'm happy, definitely. He seems happy too. Like, I don't think he truly misses it. He doesn't even cry at nap or bedtime for it. He did ask for it yesterday at nap and I told him no, he's a big boy now. We tickled instead. LOL

I'm now a mommy to a toddler. No more itty bitty baby. (Who was I kidding anyway? It's been this way for a while now! LOL)

Ps. This does make me want another sooner than later...

You Can Leave Your Pants On!

My son... he is into taking off his pants. First comes the pants, and then usually within a matter of time he is taking his diaper off. Signs of maybe being ready to potty train. But right now I think it's more that he can do it, so why not? That's just how he is. I try and keep him in a onsie when hubby has him since it's frustrating when you have to keep putting his clothes on! Yet, Talon figured out that he can pull his arms in, then slide the onsie down and off of him. Greattttttt. What now? LOL Really, I thought he'd learn to do the snaps but I figured that'd take a little more time. But, I should be realistic since he is 19 months old.

I'm not fully convinced he's ready for potty training though. He does know when he is needing to poop. He'll run usually to the other side of the couch and take a moment to do what he has to do. But I'm not sure he's knowing when he needs to pee? Not sure how to tell this really. Plus, he doesn't really mind being wet and if he's dirty for a short period of time he doesn't seem to mind? Gross, I know. But I have this keen sense of smell when it comes to a nasty baby butt and I smell it nearly instantly. So he is changed real early 95% of the time so he never sits in a dirty diaper anyway. Maybe that is hindering him some what. He doesn't bring me a diaper or grab at himself. Not sure why or if it's normal for some kids to not do this. I'm not sure what the triggers are for him.

Like I said before we have a potty seat and starting today, when he wakes from his nap I'm going to put him on the potty. Then before I have to leave for work I will place him on it again. Just slowly introduce it to him, and I don't expect him to go in it. I want to put him on it a few times a day from here on out.

I think in 2-3 months we are going to really try and start the training process. He'll be around 21-22 months old then. Yet, if he is very lacking and definitely not ready I wont push him too hard. We will keep trying though.

I've been searching for training pants for him. Ok, they don't make them tiny. Talon actually needs a 6-9 months in these but a 12 month size would probably work if I could roll the top down. I can't find any 6-9 months AT ALL and I can't find 12 months either. The smallest size I am finding is 18 months and those will be huge on him. Way huge! Talon's 19 1/2 pounds but real tall,which would make the sizing harder to find at that because he has a very thin/tiny waist. I found a product, called Potty Scotty and they have training pants in XS which is for size 19-24 pounds. It's based on the 50% sizing for children though. Which means the height and weight would need to basically be in line. I know that they will be big too but I think I might try and pair and see. Because otherwise, what am I going to do? I thought about getting some 3-6 months cotton cloth shorts that he can wear like boxers? Maybe. I just don't know.

For right now, my son likes to take his pants off for whatever reason and I suspect this will continue to be an attraction of his. LOL

Ps - here's a link to the Potty Scottys...

www.pottyscotty.com/PS-Potty-Training-Pants.html

Change...

I want a change, yet it seems so hard to do. Why?

What I want to change isn't impossible, and truly it is in my reach with effort. I just need to take the first step in doing so.

My main goal in life is to be happy, and I'm not. So I need to fix that. I love my son and being a mommy to him is amazing. This does make me happy. And for him I want better. I want more.

This week, I am hoping to reflect and maybe set out some steps/goals. Maybe this week I can make a step forward...

Visits to Family

I enjoy having family close by to visit, but I wish they were closer. And I wish I more family was closer too. I miss my sister Keri and her family so very much. Wyoming is such a far visit and definitely costly. But I do plan to visit and I'm hoping soon. I'd love to go this summer. I wonder if that will work out? Right now, financially we need to get other things taken care of first. Our most important situation is the car. We have to pay up on it or let it go and get a used one. I don't want to let it go, but we might not have a choice.

Anyway...

We went to Fort Myers to celebrate Easter. It was a nice visit and we really enjoy seeing my sister in law, mother in law and her fiance Jerry. They set up an egg hunt inside for Talon, and though he enjoyed it, he still isn't old enough to truly do it and love it. He found a few, and he was done. I don't think he ever found all the eggs they hid. LOL They got him a huge stuffed bunny, it's bigger than he is, and a plastic little bat/ball set. He loves that! We left it at their house though. He'll get to play with it when he visits again. If I had my way, I'd visit every other week but right now that's not possible. With only having one car and then funds are tight... but maybe soon. I wanted to go next month for a surprise visit to my MIL for Mother's Day but Kenny can't request days off every month or his boss might get upset. It's not worth that.

So our visit was nice and we are back into the routine of life here. It's not the best life, but it's our life.

Time Passing

Time seems to be passing so quickly lately. The past oh, five or six years especially. But this year it's flying. We are now into April, which leaves just over 8 1/2 months of 2010 left. That's crazy! I've noticed time seems to pass faster now because of having Talon. It seems like something changes with him daily, and sometimes I truly notice changes and just want to cry. Oh, they are happy tears most of the time. I'm proud of him and the way he is developing into a beautiful, caring, smart, handsome young man. Just the way I'd like him to be. Respectful too, but we're working on that. Hey, he is only 18 1/2 months old!

Speaking of change and developing, and time passing... We go a potty for Talon about a week or so ago. We're still in the introducing it stage though. I don't expect him to start using it and training for a while still. I don't plan to rush him. Yet, I am not one that believes in just letting it wait until they are ready. I definitely want to start trying to potty train within the next 3-4 months and have him done by 2, if it works out well. We'll see. But we are a potty owning family now!

Easter came and went. We had a wonderful holiday. Talon's still young and he doesn't understand the real meaning of the holiday, or the commercialized meaning either for that matter. Yet, we have shared both. I told him the story of Easter and he sat with me while I did. I added some silly faces and sounds in here and there to just, well make it a little more toddler friendly. I know he doesn't understand yet but one year he will. We did a basket for him of goodies. Stuff he enjoys. Not too much candy, but some. Lots of bubbles to play with though! And some bath toys. Just fun things. Nothing overboard. It was a simple basket that he enjoyed. We did the egg hunt with family. Talon and Aiden really seemed to enjoy that a lot. Then we went our own ways. Talon and I went "shopping" but nearly every store we went to that I wanted to go to was closed! I didn't realize so many places close for Easter. And then we met up with my sister Michele and her family at the park so that the boys could play together. That was a fun two hours! Talon really enjoyed himself. As did I. It was so much fun, and very nice!

His basket/goodies!

My handsome little man on Easter.

Hunting eggs with daddy!

Next Sunday and Monday we're heading to Fort Myers for some family fun there. I am sure we'll have a wonderful time and a much needed relaxing break. I know I could surely use it!

I've been so stressed lately, but through all the stress I am trying to remember the good. All the blessings in my life and all I have to be thankful for. It helps.

Missing A Friend

Well...

I don't really know what I want to write. I'm feeling a little "bummed" out lately.

I'm missing a friend that was very close to me, or so I thought. Then it happened. I'm not sure why or really what, but it did. I think a lot of it was me being jealous? Or just unreasonable? She met a man. He became her world. Instead of being [cautiously] happy for her, I was jealous. I missed the time we spent together. It didn't seem right to me that the new man took over her life. Granted that probably wasn't the case, but as I said, I didn't see clearly then. I wish I had.

I think I pushed her away. We spoke (online) a few days ago and it just wasn't there. No connection. Nothing like we used to have. I felt it and it broke my heart. I always wanted to be friends with her. I wanted us to continue our relationship and have a strong friendship. It made me sad when I realized we don't. I don't know if it's forever gone or not, but it feels it. I guess I should prepare myself for that lost friendship and move on?

I know she doesn't read this. I don't even think she knows I have the blog. But it has just been weighing on my mind a lot lately. I miss her, so very much. I wish we could fix things...

Ouchies & Prettys!

A few things to write about today...

On Thursday, Talon once again gave me a heart attack. He is a monkey, and all boy. He loves to climb and no matter how many times you move him or tell him "no", he still does it. I can't count how many times I have tried to stop him. His newest thing to climb is the computer desk. We move him constantly, but he likes to climb it and try and get into stuff. On Thursday he was insisting on climbing it, and had just been moved when he went to climb it again. He lost his footing and fell. Not too far, maybe two feet. He was climbing the first shelf. When he fell his face hit the shelf. Somehow, he lost a chunk out of his top lip (inside). He cried a frantic/hurt cry and I knew something was really wrong. When I picked him up to see what was wrong, I could see blood pooling in his mouth, as I tilted him back a little so I could see in, he opened his mouth and all of the blood came rushing out. It was bleeding so much! I could see the hole on his lip, and I was scared for him. I thought he might have needed stitches or an ER visit. It had to of been so scary for him. When I called my sister about the closest good hospital and if she thought we should go, she told me that it was a high bacteria zone and they don't stitch those, unless they absolutely have no option. She had me take a picture, and though Talon refused and didn't want us near his mouth (understandably) I was able to capture an ok shot with the cell phone. She said it didn't look too deep to need stitches anyway. It was really bad, and I was so sad for him. I hated seeing him get hurt but was also angry that he keeps doing things that can/will (DID) hurt him! He never learns easily...

Here's the photo:

OUCH!! Poor thing!

Since it's so beautiful outside and Spring is definitely here (well, of course it's Florida! LOL) and summer weather is on the way very quickly... I decided to paint my toe nails "Marine Scene". It's such a fun, pretty spring/summer color! They came out rather well...

Pretty!!

While painting my toe nails, Talon comes over to investigate what I'm doing. He squats down and intently looks at my toes and then looks at me. I said "Mommy's making her toes pretty..." He looks back at my toes and then gets real close to the nail polish brush, plugs his nose and says "stinky stinky" and runs to the other side of the room. LOL I definitely have a boy! =)

The Tidbits Of Me

Howdy!

This is not my first blog, and I highly doubt it'll be my last. But at this point in time, it will be my main.

First posts are always basic information, so I'll stick with that this time as well.

My name is Kim and most people call me Kimmy. You may be wondering about the blog title and where "Kibby" comes from, so I'll enlighten you on that as well. When I was younger, my mom used to call me Kibby. I am not sure 100% on why, but it was a nickname that stuck through out my childhood and even to this day. It's one I go by online often, so this fit. Besides, it's hard to think of a blog name! Haha.

I turned 30 years old on Saturday, January 30, 2010. I will say that it seems 30 snuck up on me! I'm not where I had hoped to be in my life at this stage, but I am not too far off. And since I am only 30, I still have time to make the most of life and enjoy it to the fullest, right? Right!

I'm married to my husband, Kenny, since October 23, 2001. It's been a long 8 years and we have had some bad times during that period (of course, what marriage doesn't?!) but we've also shared many happy and wonderful times too! In our case, the good definitely outweigh the bad, luckily. He is not the perfect man or husband, but he is my man and husband... and I do love him, very much.

We are the very proud and loving parents to an adorable little boy named Talon Kenneth. He was born September 13, 2008. After struggling for a very long time to become a family, Talon entered our life through adoption from a family friend. We were very blessed and lucky to be there through everything, from the very start when his birthmom (BM) found out she was pregnant and happily announced to us "congratulations". She knew she was gifting the child to us. I use the term gifting, because that's what it was. Talon was the best gift anyone could have ever given us and we'll always be grateful and forever appreciative. Talon was born at 36.2 weeks gestation, and luckily he made it that far. BM started the cycle of pre-term labor at just around 28 weeks. It was a long and scary 8 weeks before he did arrive. Thankfully, he was born perfectly healthy and strong. He weighed just 4 pounds 12 ounces and was a "stretched" 17 inches long. His only problem was having a sensitive digestive system which was resolved by placing him on soy formula. Talon was and is the light of my life. He means so very much to me, and I'm definitely enjoying being a mommy to him, even on days where I am not sure why I wanted to be a mother... lol. He's the typical hyper active toddler. Each day he does something that leaves me in amazement and feeling extra special to have him. For his personality, I'd say he's a loving,caring, fun and silly monkey!

Then - 1 day old

Now - 18 months old

We reside in Kissimmee, FL. Unfortunately, the economy took a toll on us and we ended up having to leave our home in Wyoming in June 2009. Sadly, we left behind some family that we were really close to and we miss them daily. We are staying with my sister and her family until we can get things a little more together and get on our feet. We are not proud of this and it is hard, but we are thankful to have a place to go. We hope to have a place soon though.

We have struggles and stresses in our life that's for sure. But we are very blessed. We're all [rather] healthy and doing pretty good in life. Taking life each day at a time and living the best we can. I have a strong faith and foundation in God, and I know that we are where we are with His help.